Building a Pig Rack

I think that grilling is a lot like heroin addiction. Having never done heroin, I base this entirely on the song Mr. Brownstone.

I used ta do a little but a little wouldn't do
So the little got more and more

Totally like grilling, right? There will come a time when charring up a few dry-aged USDA Prime ribeyes with kosher salt, freshly ground pepper, and grapeseed oil just won't be enough. When that day comes, you'll be looking for a stronger fix, and that fix may just be roasting an entire swine.

I could devote a month of blog posts to the whole process, but there's plenty of that online. I want to tell you about my kickass rack.

First, here's the pit it's meant to go on. It's 48 cinderblocks, stacked in a 4x2x4 block oven, three-guys-from-cuba-style.

The rack is designed to sit on top of this oven. I've prepared a technical diagram.


What you'll need:

• Seven foot fence posts - Qty 4
• Iron rebar rods, four feet - Qty 12
• Plumbing clamps - Qty 48
• A drill press with a bench vise
• Some drill bits that are slightly larger than your rebar rods
• A carpenter's level
• Duct tape

That's right - This kickass rack was built with the help of duct tape.

The general process: drill a line of holes through your fence posts, insert rebar, and use the clamps to keep them in place. This design can be disassembled for easy storage. You can see the details of the construction in this mouthwatering shot, full of mind-bogglingly attractive individuals.

Of course, it's more difficult than that. Here's a few helpful tips:

1. Drill larger holes on one side of each fence-post than the other. This is because pre-cut rebar tends to be bent at the end, and you'll need some extra room to get the rods through.
2. ...Or, avoid that problem altogether by buying long pieces of rebar and cutting them yourself, like this enterprising fellow!
3. Before drilling the first hole, duct tape your carpenter's level to the end of your fence post. Then , as you slide it down the vise to drill each hole, make sure it's level. This will ensure that your holes line up exactly. Pretty cool, huh?
4. Keep your rebar fairly close together. As you can see in the picture, I kept them about 6" apart. Why is this? If you're roasting a small pig, it would be a horrible disaster if it were to fall into the pit.
5. Stay away from galvanized metal on the parts that will touch the pig - it's muy peligroso. That generally means no chain-link fence or chicken wire, no matter how easy and convenient that would be.
6. Bungie-cord the two racks together. This will take the danger out of flipping the pig, like these poor folks using the beta version of the pig rack. That's just an accident waiting to happen.
7. Have a table ready that you can set the bottom half of the rack on when the pig is ready. Also, have some John Phillips Sousa queued up on the iPod for the majestic march from the pit to the carving table. Godamned if I'm not starting to tear up and get a little verclempt looking at this picture.

This is basically version 2 of the pig rack. The main improvement planned for Version 3: A hinged metal lid, in three pieces. Will eliminate the need to use aluminum foil. Why three pieces? Two small hinged pieces on the ends to allow coals to be easily added, as well as to check on the pig from time to time. Mounted with wingnuts so it can be removed and mounted on either rack to accomodate the mid-day flip.

So there you go - Building a pig rack can be almost as fun and rewarding as cooking a pig, but not quite as fun and rewarding as eating one.

Kit Notes

About a month ago, I picked up a basic brewing kit from rebelbrewer.com. It included

• 6.5 Gallon Fermenter Bucket with drilled and grommeted lid
• 6.5 Gallon Bottling Bucket with spigot
• Three Piece Airlock
• Floating Thermometer
• 24" Racking Cane
• 4 ft of Transfer Tubing
• Tubing Clamp
• Spring Action Bottle Filler
• Twin Lever Deluxe Bottle Capper
• 144 (approx.) Bottle Caps to get you started
• 18" Heat Resistant Brew Spoon
• Bottle Brush
• Instruction Book

Most of this stuff is just what the doctor ordered, but I'd recommend a few changes to anyone looking to pick this up.

1. Forget the floating thermometer, and get a good Polder probe thermometer off Amazon. It's useful for all kinds of other stuff. I've had mine for years, and it kicks the crap out of that floating thing.
   
2. Get a couple of extra bottle fillers. If one should happen to clog up during bottling, it's much easier to swap them out than to deal with cleaning in the middle everything.
3. Go ahead and get an extra fermenter bucket. It doubles your capacity for about $15. This is important - If you're like me, you're going to end up giving away about 80% of your first batch. This way your friends can actually try a couple of beers, and you'll have more than a six pack left.
4. The instruction book is bogus. Get Palmer's How to Brew. It got me started, and it's still laying the science on me. Because Science: It works, bitches.

Notes - Grain Steeping Ratio

When steeping grain, keep the ratio below one gallon of water per pound of grain.

Also - I brewed up a batch of Porter from a recipe. It called for some amount (I forget how much) of malto-dextrin. At the time, I didn't understand. John Palmer comes to the rescue, though: This is an unfermentable sugar that adds body to the beer.

Beer Labels

Because you can't have a beer without a cool label, I did a little work in the Gimp and came up with these. I didn't do the original drawings - the wife, Tiffany, does that way better - but I did all the path-tracing and coloring and such.

My Draining Rack

I first had to bottle some beer about two weeks ago. Of course, you need a way to drain your bottles after they're sanitized. I wasn't big on spending $25-30 on one of those bottle draining tree thingies, so I improvised.

Version 1 - Quick and Dirty:
I took the cardboard bottom from a case of bottled water, marked a bunch of circles on it, and then box-cuttered holes out of it. (Well, my neighbor John took care of most of the box-cuttering while I prepped the rest of the stuff)

I took the result and duct-taped it over the sink.

Verdict: Good in a pinch, but it obviously didn't last. Threw out the soggy mess right afterward.

Version 2 - Electric Boogaloo:
Purchased a 2" hole cutter and a 2'x2' piece of plywood. The nice folks at Lowe's cut 6" off one side. Measured out the area on the big piece that would be open when I placed it over the sink.

Verdict: Better, and reusable. However, it only did about 20 bottles at a time. Working in batches is a pain - I can never remember what order I placed the bottles in.

Version 3 - Rise of the Machines
Drilled a LOT more 2" holes. Chopped the 6x24" scrap into two 6x12" pieces. Drilled some starter holes and used some leftover wood screws to make legs.


Verdict: Rocks. I can do over 50 bottles, which is just right for a five-gallon batch. Also, I can leave it sitting in my laundry room, and drain rinsed bottles as they're used.

First Post

So I'm starting this blog to take notes on whatever projects I'm working on at the moment. Right now that means beer, bread, home improvement, and general geekery. Subject to change without notice. Your mileage may vary. Void where prohibited. Do not try this at home.